Wednesday, February 27, 2008

The Day She Arrived

It was in October 1995 when the big day happened... i gave birth to a baby girl, my only girl after 2 boys. Ive been praying for a girl when I learned that I was pregnant for the 3rd time and the prayer was granted! It took a week just to pick a name for her.... and finally Ive decided to call her Michaella... my princess.

For me, she was the most beautiful baby girl Ive ever seen, I cant wait to buy her bathing suits, I cant wait to buy gowns for her for "Flores de Mayo", I dont let her wear clothes bought from the market it should be from SM, as I look at my daughter everyday, who seldom cry, who doesnt scream at night, even learn to walk at 10 months old, and at 12 months she is starting to say some words like airplane (word with 2 syllables) never in my wildest dream there was something wrong with her.... after 1 1/2 years, everything has changed, all the things she knew and learned disapppeared, the signs are being noticed, no eye contact, does not talk she only screams, cry, bite, throw everything inside the house. Well at that time I thought it was normal and as a defense... she was late. On Christmas Day 1997, a relative told me to have her check by a doctor they were suspecting she's deaf, I know shes not, even without the doctors opinion but I also know there was a problem... deeper problem.

On January 1998 she was diagnosed having AUTISM a lifelong disability... that day was indescribable the pain was so intense my whole world collapsed... my tears flowed like a river I cannot believe that my daughter, my only daughter is autistic. I prayed like I never used to, if I did something wrong Iam very much willing to do it all over again, but nothing happened and to top it all up.. she was getting worst. Desperately seeking for help, I even pray to satan, I prayed to him like he is my God, no body knows about this, but yes I did, once in my life, for my daughter, I did made satan my God. At that time I dont believe on anything anymore, no God, no Satan... Iam on my own I have to deal with this all by myself.

I went to seminars listen to the speakers very carefully... I bought books about it. Went to Special School and enroll her, she was only 2 years 8 mos. when she was enrolled. We went from school to school, therapist to therapist. I met Maricon, her husband is a preacher and his son was diagnosed with a "global disability" meaning everything about him is wrong, the teeth, the eyes, his balance and everything about him, then I ask her.. dont you hate God for what he did to your son? she answered me calmly... why blame God for human nature??? it shook me... right there, at that very moment I cried and realized she was right, I dont pray that much and I dont even go to church, do I have the right to question him?

Now, she's 12 years old, I have accepted the disability, his brothers learned how to deal with her and I can proudly say she has improved beyond my expectations, her self help is excellent, she feeds herself (even cooks simple dishes) she uses the computer (shes always on youtube) she can read, she can do simple math, she speaks some words but cannot express herself fully.
The only thing that is bothering me... How will she be if Im gone?

No comments: